Comforting Blackness

“No.”

“I won’t.”

“I can’t!”

“I’m not like that.”

Yes.

You will.

You can.

You are.

“Not anymore!”

“I changed!”

“…I escaped.”

You cannot escape me. Your destiny is the same.

“But—But I… They…”

You what, Ria? They what? They forgave you? They pardoned you?

…And so, I suppose, they show their pardon by watching your every move with hateful eyes, and their forgiveness by accusing you in secret?

“No… They don’t—I mean… but… No!”

Are you blind then? I am not. Nor are they. When they look at you, what they see is us. What we were… What we are. They will never accept us both… and we are one, Ria. They cannot have the one, and reject the other.

“You are not me. Leave me alone!”

You cannot escape me, Ria, any more than I can escape you. We are bound together—two souls shackled to one flesh.

…Won’t you lend me control for a while? Just for a little bit? I’ll make everything better… I promise.

“No! I know what you want to do.”

How can you know my mind if you will not open yours up to it?

“Your ways have not changed… and I remember.”

And do you think that they would wish any different a fate upon you

“Yes! They would. They would do no such things to me as you would do to them if—”

Yes, Ria. They would indeed. A kinder end, perhaps—quicker; less pain—but the end result would be no different. You know this. Come now… Won’t you let me make everything better? We were happy once.

…We can have that again.

“There was no happiness in that life, and you know it as well as I do!”

Perhaps not much, for the wolves would hardly allow us to have it, but we don’t have to go to them. No, Ria. This time… This time will be different.

“No. It won’t be different, because it won’t be at all. Why will you not be silent? Why won’t you leave me at peace?”

Peace? What peace can I leave you to? Do you mean that naïve belief that simply forgetting what you are will allow you to be free?

“I am free!”

No. You are not free… only subject to a different slavery; a crueler one—a blind one.

“You are the cruelty in my life”

“…Why do you haunt me?”

Because we are one flesh, Ria.

I am, and I cannot simply cease to be. There was a time where you gladly accepted the solace I gave you.

…Do you remember, Ria? Do you remember the fatherly blanket of the darkness that kept you warm and safe in its embrace? The motherly caress of the shadows? …How you once allowed me to whisper sweet nothings aloud to you, and how it soothed your fears and disquiets? Won’t you let me do that again? Won’t you let me calm your grief and quench your sorrows?

“…no…”

Why do you resist me? I only want your betterment, your happiness. You are lost, wandering a path that can lead only to increasing sorrow. I only wish to guide you back into the Master’s fold. He will still receive you Ria.

…Ria?

…Ria, do not ignore me… You cannot simply ma—

“Why did you take my family from me?”

…That was not me. You know that the wolves did that. I would have fought them… had I yet been within you.

“It was that same Master that you serve—that you would have me return to—who took them. If you say that I should serve him, then you might as well have killed them!”

He did not take your family from you, Ria. The wolves may be his servants, but they do not always act in his will… just as you are not acting in his will.

“You lie. That Master is false. His fold is a place of eternal death.”

Who is to say such things for sure? What is the judge of truth and falsehood?

Is it the light that reveals what is truly there, or does it show a corrupted image, perverted to appear how the light would prefer? Can touch be fooled? Or smell deceived? But sight is easily twisted, and the eyes believe whatever they desire most.

…Ria, the light is selfish, it devours the darkness and demands that those whom it finds must cease there peaceful rest and begin to toil and labor in grief. Why do you choose to hate me? I am all the family that you will ever have… Let me comfort you.

“I no longer need your tainted comfort. I’ve found something—someone better.”

What? Do you mean him? Ha. Do you think he truly cares about you?

“He does. I know he does.”

Does he? Does he really? Or is it just…

…Oohoho… I see. Is that what it is then? You have really delusioned yourself into believing that he has that sort of feelings for you? Oh, how delightfully quaint. That emotion is nothing but a lie.

…It always is.

“You are the lie! You can speak only lies and deceit.”

No, Ria. I speak the truth, and you know full-well that I do. He does not truly care for you. He never will.

“Yes. He does… I see it in his eyes!”

What do you see, Ria? Love? Bah! That is the light of pity in his eyes and nothing more. And even if it were love, do you think that he would act on it? That he would risk the shame, the rejection, the dishonor?

“He…”

Ria, please… listen to me. Let me save you from the hurt and pain of a shattered heart. He may act the part of the romantic, but he does so only to relieve his conscience from the heavy guilt-weight of pity, and to selfishly take advantage of the affection that you so freely give him in return.

“No. He looks past you—what you made me… and he sees me. He cares.”

“…He… He loves me…”

When his feelings for you are put to the test, his pot shall be found mended with wax, and it shall not long hold beneath the heat of adversity’s sun. He will leave you, Ria, broken and alone. And then you melt into my embrace, and beg me to dull over the memories… to ease the aching of your spirit. And I shall do so… But better to avoid the pain, better to take my offered solace now, than after you have tasted of love, and must cope with the pain of loss.

Ria… I am the only one who will ever really care about you. I am the only one who will ever love you. We have only each other; each other, and the shadow that hides us from the cruel harshness of the lighted world.

“No… Shut up! I don’t have to listen to you.”

“I… I don’t have to believe you…”

“…It isn’t true.”

“I… I’m not… I’m not evil…”

“…really, I’m not… I just… I…”

“…I don’t even know.”

“…I’m just… lost.”

“…I’m afraid.”

Poor child… Go on, don’t try to fight it. Just tell me all your worries. I’ll listen.

“I’m afraid.”

That’s it… Let it out. I understand. I will not judge you.

“I want my parents.”

“I… I want… to be able to hide under my mother’s wing… to hear her voice.”

Poor child… you were robbed of so much… This world truly is a heartless one.

…Yes, that’s right… nuzzle into my embrace. I’ll comfort you.

“I don’t want to go back to the darkness… I’ll be alone there.”

“…I’m scared of being alone…”

“…The darkness will hurt me if I’m alone.”

But you won’t be alone, I’ll be with you.

“I’m scared.”

I know.

“I don’t like the darkness.”

It’ll be alright. Let it come.

“…Please, no… I’m afraid.”

Shhhh…

“Please…”

That’s it, Ria… let it embrace you. Let it make your fears go away.

“Please… don't…”

“…please…”

...Welcome back.